Wednesday, November 9, 2011
A bit about my book!
I hope you enjoy my little video. It is my first attempt at making one! I had a lot of fun!
Saturday, October 15, 2011
"Hiding My Bruises While Singing in the Choir"
My book,"Hiding My Bruises While Singing in the Choir" comes out next month! I'm so excited to be sharing my journey with you. The purpose of this book is to help encourage and inspire others to the hope and joy that can happen after the traumatic.
Here is the prologue - Pre-0rder information is at the bottom of this blog: Thank you for stopping by!
Book Prologue:
In Loving Memory of Nathan G. Skiller
In October, 1983, my world was turned upside down & inside out. In all of these years since, there isn’t one day that has gone by that I haven’t remembered, wondered, mourned, laughed, cried, felt angry, felt sad, or struggled to allow myself to be happy and to live a normal life. Truly, my world has never been the same and the path that I have walked has not been easy, but is our path ever easy?
My story is your typical, “I married my high school sweetheart” story. Or, at least it started out that way. Girl meets Boy. Girl likes Boy. Boy likes Girl… We were soul mates. It was supposed to be one of those stories that the grand kids would admire and find hope in. Where the “Once upon a time” actually had a “they lived happily ever after.” But instead of all it should have been, in the land of fairy tales, this story lands in the “tragedy/drama” category rather than the “romance/comedy” one. (I personally prefer the romantic comedy movies to the thrillers or dramatic ones).
We’ve always been told that the choices we make all throughout our lives are extremely important. As teens in high school, we think we have all the answers. Our lives are mapped out just so, and we imagine exactly how life will look as we get older. We have no realization of the obstacles and challenges that are out there waiting for us. We don’t understand that every step we take is laying the foundation of who we will become. And we absolutely don’t imagine that anything bad or tragic would even enter into our world.
When I am with my grandchildren, watching my daughter, or just enjoying something simple in life, my heart is so sad and heavy. I often find myself thinking, “Nathan would have so enjoyed seeing this.” My heart breaks. The story of Nathan and I and the tragedy that was our marriage is what you will find amongst these pages. But, that is not the entire story of my life, and you will find that, as well. You see, I walk a fine line of grieving my past and living my present. Yet, even in the midst of that, I know that God has redeemed me and blessed me tremendously! My life has been restored and I am living the “Once upon a time / happily ever after” story. But there are days that I feel guilty for being happy. While I know there is no guilt or shame in living the redeemed life, I am still very affected by the events of twenty-seven years ago.
The eleven months that I was married to Nathan were some of the most horrifying moments of my life. While the first five months were on track to be something great, the last six months had nothing but “bad movie” written all over them. I didn’t learn this until six or seven years later, but it all started to go sour the night a friend returned home from the basic/boot camp for the Army. He wanted to take Nathan to a movie, but instead of the movie, Nathan was re-introduced to drugs. Until this person confessed to me what really happened that night, I had no idea what caused such a drastic turn in Nathan’s life.
We met in the middle of my junior year when my family and I moved to Silverton, OR. For us, it was an instant connection. I think we were a “couple” within my first month at the new school. Over the years, I have had to learn how to shift my thoughts and memories to the good ones of those years and not focus on the six months that went so horribly wrong. Not an easy task, but over time, I have managed to pull the memories of who Nathan really was and not the Nathan he became under the influence of drugs and alcohol. I choose to remember the two years of bliss rather than the six months of horror.
Nobody really knows or understands how or why someone could take his or her own life. But, as I watched the empty field that is next to my apartment go up in flames, I still refused to believe that Nathan was ending his life; and yet, at the same time, I felt that my life was finally safe from harm. It was a horrible rampage of emotion. Mourning the one I loved, and yet thankful that the monster that lived in him would never hurt me again. The abuse would stop. He would never pick me up and throw me across the room again. The mental and emotional torture would cease. Perhaps I would even stop throwing-up every time I heard a Volkswagen drive up to my apartment.
Yes, the last week of October, 1983, my life was turned upside down & inside out. And in all this time I have been trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do with all these pieces that I’m holding in my heart. Nevertheless, God has been so incredibly faithful to me. He has kept His protecting hand on my life and has replaced all that I lost.
But you just can’t forget…
It’s impossible to live as if nothing has ever happened. Yet, I know I’m here for a purpose. My heart goes out to others who are walking through traumatic things. I just want to wrap my arms around them and tell them, “It will all be OK.” God is a good God. People sometimes suck. But always and forever, God is a redeeming God and He can take those pieces we hold and make them into beautiful works of art; it just requires that we let go and offer up all those disjointed pieces to be made whole again. He is a gentle God and will not pry them out of our hands, so we have to be willing to let go, and let God do what he does best – heal us.
I will forever remember Nathan as he was when he was whole. When we laughed and giggled, and played, and cried. Those piercing blue eyes and the brightest smile you could imagine. That is the Nathan I choose to hold close to my heart.
Nathan, I forgive you, and I miss you. And please know that all is well.
Click Here to pre-order your copy of "Hiding My Bruises While Singing in the Choir."
Here is the prologue - Pre-0rder information is at the bottom of this blog: Thank you for stopping by!
Book Prologue:
In Loving Memory of Nathan G. Skiller
In October, 1983, my world was turned upside down & inside out. In all of these years since, there isn’t one day that has gone by that I haven’t remembered, wondered, mourned, laughed, cried, felt angry, felt sad, or struggled to allow myself to be happy and to live a normal life. Truly, my world has never been the same and the path that I have walked has not been easy, but is our path ever easy?
My story is your typical, “I married my high school sweetheart” story. Or, at least it started out that way. Girl meets Boy. Girl likes Boy. Boy likes Girl… We were soul mates. It was supposed to be one of those stories that the grand kids would admire and find hope in. Where the “Once upon a time” actually had a “they lived happily ever after.” But instead of all it should have been, in the land of fairy tales, this story lands in the “tragedy/drama” category rather than the “romance/comedy” one. (I personally prefer the romantic comedy movies to the thrillers or dramatic ones).
We’ve always been told that the choices we make all throughout our lives are extremely important. As teens in high school, we think we have all the answers. Our lives are mapped out just so, and we imagine exactly how life will look as we get older. We have no realization of the obstacles and challenges that are out there waiting for us. We don’t understand that every step we take is laying the foundation of who we will become. And we absolutely don’t imagine that anything bad or tragic would even enter into our world.
When I am with my grandchildren, watching my daughter, or just enjoying something simple in life, my heart is so sad and heavy. I often find myself thinking, “Nathan would have so enjoyed seeing this.” My heart breaks. The story of Nathan and I and the tragedy that was our marriage is what you will find amongst these pages. But, that is not the entire story of my life, and you will find that, as well. You see, I walk a fine line of grieving my past and living my present. Yet, even in the midst of that, I know that God has redeemed me and blessed me tremendously! My life has been restored and I am living the “Once upon a time / happily ever after” story. But there are days that I feel guilty for being happy. While I know there is no guilt or shame in living the redeemed life, I am still very affected by the events of twenty-seven years ago.
The eleven months that I was married to Nathan were some of the most horrifying moments of my life. While the first five months were on track to be something great, the last six months had nothing but “bad movie” written all over them. I didn’t learn this until six or seven years later, but it all started to go sour the night a friend returned home from the basic/boot camp for the Army. He wanted to take Nathan to a movie, but instead of the movie, Nathan was re-introduced to drugs. Until this person confessed to me what really happened that night, I had no idea what caused such a drastic turn in Nathan’s life.
We met in the middle of my junior year when my family and I moved to Silverton, OR. For us, it was an instant connection. I think we were a “couple” within my first month at the new school. Over the years, I have had to learn how to shift my thoughts and memories to the good ones of those years and not focus on the six months that went so horribly wrong. Not an easy task, but over time, I have managed to pull the memories of who Nathan really was and not the Nathan he became under the influence of drugs and alcohol. I choose to remember the two years of bliss rather than the six months of horror.
Nobody really knows or understands how or why someone could take his or her own life. But, as I watched the empty field that is next to my apartment go up in flames, I still refused to believe that Nathan was ending his life; and yet, at the same time, I felt that my life was finally safe from harm. It was a horrible rampage of emotion. Mourning the one I loved, and yet thankful that the monster that lived in him would never hurt me again. The abuse would stop. He would never pick me up and throw me across the room again. The mental and emotional torture would cease. Perhaps I would even stop throwing-up every time I heard a Volkswagen drive up to my apartment.
Yes, the last week of October, 1983, my life was turned upside down & inside out. And in all this time I have been trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do with all these pieces that I’m holding in my heart. Nevertheless, God has been so incredibly faithful to me. He has kept His protecting hand on my life and has replaced all that I lost.
But you just can’t forget…
It’s impossible to live as if nothing has ever happened. Yet, I know I’m here for a purpose. My heart goes out to others who are walking through traumatic things. I just want to wrap my arms around them and tell them, “It will all be OK.” God is a good God. People sometimes suck. But always and forever, God is a redeeming God and He can take those pieces we hold and make them into beautiful works of art; it just requires that we let go and offer up all those disjointed pieces to be made whole again. He is a gentle God and will not pry them out of our hands, so we have to be willing to let go, and let God do what he does best – heal us.
I will forever remember Nathan as he was when he was whole. When we laughed and giggled, and played, and cried. Those piercing blue eyes and the brightest smile you could imagine. That is the Nathan I choose to hold close to my heart.
Nathan, I forgive you, and I miss you. And please know that all is well.
Click Here to pre-order your copy of "Hiding My Bruises While Singing in the Choir."
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